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No More Need of Disguise

And I said
I can’t dive down
to the depths
where chunks of ice
float just underneath
the serene-looking surface.

No one knows
and I won’t tell
that this is so,
I am good at hiding
and hiding out.

And I said
I can’t sing fully
or breathe deeply
because music and breath
come from the depths
and those places
feel frozen still.

But in a storm
turbulence
washes up the dirty ice
long frozen, slicing through
the muddy surface,
exposing to heat
and healing light.

And song bursts forth
as if long waiting
and breath flows, released
from holding
and peace comes from
the thawing
and no more need
of disguise.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
Copyright © 1996

I Am Willing

I am willing
to change what doesn’t work
for me in my life.

I am willing to listen
with an open heart,
without judging.

I am willing to plant seeds
that take a long time,
if ever, to grow.

I am willing to feel
and let go.

I am willing to make mistakes
and learn from them.

I am willing
to live in the present.

I am willing to forgive
and forget in my heart.

I am willing to love as much
as my endless spirit will allow.

I am willing to be seen
in all my radiance.

I am willing to be fearless.

I am willing to be powerful.

I am willing to be peaceful.

I am willing to stand tall.
and walk gracefully.

I am willing to sing with my stunning, full voice.

I am willing to allow.
I am willing to let go.

I am willing to change.

I am willing to see
and be seen.

I am willing to hear
and be heard.

I am willing to feel
and be felt.

I am willing to heal
and be healed.

I am willing to love
and be loved.

I am willing
to be fully human.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
Copyright © 1996

Allowing

At some times in my life
my hair was the only thing
I liked about my looks.

It is so hard to let it go now.

When I think of who I am,
I think: blonde, blue-eyed, tall,
in that order.

It's so hard to let it go

and allow myself
this unique time to see
who I could be.

A woman with a perfect head
and cheekbones to die for.
A woman with lovely shell ears

and a beautiful glow.
A woman with blueberry eyes
still good enough to eat.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
Copyright © 1996

Wisdom of the Grandmothers

When I last spoke
to my Grandma Dubay,
when her voice was raspy and rough,
when she would occasionally
forget to whom she was speaking,
but otherwise could carry on
a perfect conversation,

I asked her what she would do differently,
looking back from now,
and she said she would
be less worried about cleaning house
and spend more time with the kids,

for time passes quickly
and so soon they are grown and gone.
She was also a great advocate
of taking care of yourself,
getting enough rest,
letting go of stress.

She ate carefully,
exercised regularly
and had a bedtime glass of sherry.
She lived a full, long life
to ninety-three.

My Grandma Schulte
also gave that advice often:
“…take care of yourself.”
How rarely I heeded their wisdom!

This may be the meaning now
of all this breast cancer:
to make a whole season of women
who have learned to take care,
and who let go of being
the “Nurturers of All,”
but themselves.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
Copyright © 1996

Christmas Cricket

Just when I thought
nothing could shake me,
a cooked cricket
showed up on our Christmas turkey,

not crispy, but thoroughly well done,
black body sprawled across a browned thigh.

Awakened by the warmth of the oven
from winter hibernation
in a dark, safe place—the roaster,

it began the final journey
in ever increasing heat
and then succumbed,
at least where we could see

before taking a crunchy bite.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
Copyright © 1996

I Am Afraid

to trust so completely;
I fear this trust
will be misplaced

and then
where will I be?

“You have seen the
power to burn,
now see the power to heal.
Rest in safety
on the cushion of my palm.
Do nothing.
Be as you are.
All is taken care of,
you will see.

You have known me
and am me.
Rest assured
I love thee
and will care for thee
as a handmaiden cares for
a beloved master.”

Do you have more to say?

“Yes, as much as you may need,
and you are needy.
Face this last slope
as all the others,
with all you have learned.
Be magnanimous.
Be generous.
Be glorious.
Be at ease,
this could be easy.
You can choose peace
at any time.

Are you harmed
from a dream?
Feel how strong our
ties are connected.
I am always with you.
Rest in my ample palm.
I most assuredly can do
this small thing.”

Margaret Dubay Mikus
Copyright © 1997

Unsolicited Message

This I ask of you directly,
cleanly on paper, when I don't
have to look into your eyes.

Can you allow
yourself to be loving always,
as you are sometimes loving?

To feel that love, as I have
on occasion, is to feel
incredible beauty and energy

flowing out easily and unselfconsciously.
Then it may be the next time
I see or speak with you

the gate is down, light is off,
somehow not safe to let out such
exposed feeling. How much

I feel the loss! As you have said
about our singing, now past,
if I know you are capable

of this loving, I cannot accept otherwise.
Trust, as I have learned for myself,
you have enough love in your heart

to heal any pain, to transform any hurt.
Therefore, it is safe
to be so completely loving,

to allow your love to speak for you
and attract to you
the life you seek.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
Copyright © 1997

Recovery

What recovery means
is learning again
and again

how to live
peaceably,
in this body.

How to feel
and release, not store
and keep, or numb

emotion from the life
I lead.
How to be in this moment,

not one from last year
or last week
or last hour.

I learn and grow
and keep on doing so.
And when fear comes

striking
in a flash from nowhere,
I let it in

and look it over
and feel, feel it with my whole self,
and again

and again
I let it go.

I see with ever fresh eyes,
and feel with unarmored
heart open

and defenseless.
I live the life I choose
without struggle

to live another,
body, mind and spirit
equal partners.

I listen…
I love…
I serve.

I speak without judgment
of possibility,
knowing I don’t know

what is right for others.
I glow for myself
from the inner core

that richly provides
my energy, my Source,
my Connection.

I receive from abundance,
and give from the same,
that all might know this name.

I release what no longer serves,
I draw in what brings breath.
Messages come

and I deliver them.
I am “one who illuminates”
as was foretold.

I am most grateful
for this life leading me
to this perfect moment of clarity.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
Copyright © 1998

As Easy as Breathing

What do you do
as easy as breathing,
but push this “nothing” aside?

This may be why you’ve come
on this wild and fearless ride.

Go back
to before you knew

life was hard,
before you learned

to be suspicious
of what came too easily.

Go back to those
innocent days

and ask:

What do you do
as easy as breathing,

better than anyone else?
Bring out your gift

and add to the rest,
all together they may be enough

to move mountains
and the minds of men,

women and children, too.
For the time is coming

when we’ll need such power,
the time is near

when we’ll see full and clear,
when Radiance will be the order of the Day.

Get ready.
Practice,

let out your light
a little.

Get used to such
dazzling magnificence.

You shake your heads;
I can see you.

You think “She doesn’t know
I am not light, I have such dark,

I am not as she describes.”
Yet I tell you now

I speak only truth,
not to please,

but to illuminate
what is already.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
Copyright © 1998

Sometimes I Have to Stop

Sometimes
I have to stop

singing
so I can

begin
again.

This may sound
like excuse

or rationalization
after the undisciplined fact,

but it is
true.

For when I sing again
perhaps…I sing

as I was born.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
Copyright © 1999

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