Category Archives: cancer

Christmas Cricket

Merry Christmas! Here is a poem I often post at Christmas, remembering and being grateful. Maybe a chuckle. The context: In 1996 as Christmas approached I had just finished chemotherapy, which had followed surgery and I was just beginning extensive radiation treatment for breast cancer. I was kind of out of it, but trying to function. Our kids were young and my husband and I wanted to have a “normal” Christmas, with gifts and tree and Christmas dinner. Here is it story of that dinner. Enjoy. And share if you wish.

Christmas Cricket

Just when I thought
nothing could shake me,
a cooked cricket
showed up on our Christmas turkey,

not crispy, but thoroughly well done,
black body sprawled across a browned thigh.

Awakened by the warmth of the oven
from winter hibernation
in a dark, safe place—the roaster,

it began the final journey
in ever increasing heat
and then succumbed,
at least where we could see

before taking a crunchy bite.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 1996

From As Easy as Breathing

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and listen to track 19 on my CD, Full Blooming

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Inspired by “Deep Canyon”

“Deep Canyon explores the journey of a wife, mother and career woman who receives the unexpected and terrifying diagnosis of cancer. As an ovarian cancer patient in 1989, author Annan Paterson experienced unusual but surprisingly universal situations and met people who influenced her life in a profound way. Annan’s love of theatre and passion for acting led her to create Deep Canyon to express these experiences and life lessons. Through both humor and drama, and a variety of characters, Deep Canyon explores how cancer was truly a turning point in her life and how it continues to deeply impact her life today.” (YouTube video description)

I saw an amazing performance of Deep Canyon at the Cancer as a Turning Point (TM) conference in California in Sept, 2001. The day after I flew home was 9/11. That morning the world turned upside down. Whatever I was going to write about all the amazing healing at the conference was lost in all that numbness.

But before that I wrote this poem inspired by Deep Canyon. (watch video)

9/8/01

After Deep Canyon
(At the Healing Journeys Conference)

Not behind me,
not behind me
this cancer, this disease—
the mistakes, the laughter
the judgment, the miracles.

Not behind me,
but with me,
the foundation upon which
all else was built fresh and strong:
the columns, the roof, the walls, the floor.

Not with me defining,
but with me as lattice, as bone,
to be built out from,
tendon, ligament, muscle, skin.

My skull unrecognized
for the face sculpted upon it.
It is not the bones that draw you to me,
but pure energy.

It is not my bones you see as beauty,
but it is the bones that support my form,
without my precious bones, I am Jell-O.
I would not wish it otherwise.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2001

From As Easy as Breathing:
Reclaiming Power for Healing and Transformation

This Is the Moment I Have

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This poem has been in my head the last few days. A bit of context: I wrote it after healing from multiple sclerosis and then rehab. And then, at age 44, after diagnosis with two breast tumors, one in each breast. Followed by surgery, chemo and radiation. Appreciating the healed body, reminding myself of all I am grateful for. So here it is:

This Is the Moment I Have

not tomorrow
with its joy or sorrow.

This is the moment—
when I floss my teeth,
and stand on two strong legs,

smiling in the mirror
at a face topped by hair.
This moment of easy breathing

with husband and children
deeply sleeping nearby.
This moment with fresh, cool

spring air blowing in my window
from a dark, rich night capped by stars.
This is the moment I have,

not next week or next month,
however much time and energy
I spend planning them.

How often am I actually
here…
in this only moment I have?

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 1997

From my book, As Easy as Breathing: Reclaiming Power for Healing and Transformation.

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And track 25 on my CD, Full Blooming: Selections from a Poetic Journal.

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Feel free to share. Thanks for reading. Do you know this feeling?

Not Being the Victim: “Bird Poop”

There is a breast cancer support group in Michigan where I am known as “the author of ‘Bird Poop,’ ” which is a poem from As Easy as Breathing: Reclaiming Power for Healing and Transformation. Someone even got up on a picnic table and read it aloud at their summer picnic a few years ago, as I recall. I have never met these lovely women, but this story still warms me. “Bird Poop” continues to be one of the most popular tracks on my CD. Does this remind you of anything in your own life? Here it is:

Bird Poop

I don’t feel
that I have cancer:
not just physically,
that surgery
successfully removed
abnormal cells…

but mentally, I am not
“a person with cancer;”
cancer is something that
is happening to me.

If a pigeon poops on your head
you don’t become
“a person with bird poop,”
it’s just something that happened to you.

You clean up,
tell your tale
and move on.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 1996

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To hear me read “Bird Poop” on my CD, Full Blooming: Selections from a Poetic Journal click here and scroll down to track 11.

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Thank you for sharing!

Wisdom of the Grandmothers

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Years ago a doctor who was reading my book, As Easy as Breathing: Reclaiming Power for Healing and Transformation, came up to me at a Bethany Hospital awards dinner we were attending. He told me he read a poem a night and that his favorite was this one. Please share if this speaks to you!

Wisdom of the Grandmothers

When I last spoke
to my Grandma Dubay,
when her voice was raspy and rough,
when she would occasionally
forget to whom she was speaking,
but otherwise could carry on
a perfect conversation,

I asked her what she would do differently,
looking back from now,
and she said she would
be less worried about cleaning house
and spend more time with the kids,

for time passes quickly
and so soon they are grown and gone.
She was also a great advocate
of taking care of yourself,
getting enough rest,
letting go of stress.

She ate carefully,
exercised regularly
and had a bedtime glass of sherry.
She lived a full, long life
to ninety-three.

My Grandma Schulte
also gave that advice often:
“…take care of yourself.”
How rarely I heeded their wisdom!

This may be the meaning now
of all this breast cancer:
to make a whole season of women
who have learned to take care,
and who let go of being
the “Nurturers of All,”
but themselves.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 1996

Listen to track 13 on my CD, Full Blooming: Selections from a Poetic Journal.

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