Category Archives: change

Interview in Willow Review

Enjoy this interview from the 40th anniversary issue of the Willow Review (2013), which was part of being the Illinois featured author. The editor, Michael Latza, emailed me the following thoughtful questions (in italics), which I answered. He wanted to have a discussion about the nature of poetry today. Lovely conversation. Used here with permission. (Cover: “Veiled References” by Steven Jones)

Margaret, you have a very involved recent past with poetry in your life. What place did words have in your life at an earlier age? What was your first foray into writing and poetry?

I remember vividly the first book of my own. It was The Whales Go By (1959, by Fred Phleger, an oceanographer). It was a beginner reader about whale migration. I don’t remember when I learned to read, but by 4th grade I was well-hooked and gobbled down any book I could find. Once I discovered the public library, I took out the maximum number of books every time, often reading 12 books a week. I loved biographies and kid’s mysteries (including Nancy Drew and Cherry Ames), then added science fiction. I was very drawn to books with horses in them and main characters who were spunky girls.

When I saved schoolwork, it was often writing or art. I kept a short story with a surprise ending I wrote from a prompt in 5th grade. In 8th grade, a very difficult year for me in a new school, one of my stories about the Civil War was published in the school Pen and Brush magazine.

I can still recite the first verse of a poem we memorized in grade school, “The Children’s Hour” by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. I didn’t read much poetry on my own, mostly in school. I recently found a high school paper I wrote on Emily Dickenson. I probably was exposed to more poetry through singing, which I loved to do. I do remember a popular poet in the ‘60’s, Rod McKuen, who wrote a book of poems called Listen to the Warm. I read it while walking at dusk, stopping to sit on a curb under a streetlight. Someone came out from the house to ask if I was OK and I moved on.

Reading changed everything for me. It was both an escape from having eczema and the responsibilities of being the oldest daughter in a large family, and a window into a wider world I eventually could see myself entering.

When did you begin to “use” poetry seriously in your life? And would the use of “use” be accurate in the previous statement?

In 1988 I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. As my health declined, I went to a therapist to cope better. She gave me writing “homework.” In those journals are the first few poems. After healing from MS I had a creative awakening, beginning a poetic journal in fall of 1995. I longed to “sing from the heart” and the poems just poured out of me. Although my writing style has matured over the years, I still use some of those early poems for collections. “Use” is an accurate word, I think. One of my first serious attempts was to write a poetic fable to support my choral director who was dealing with a lot of negativity.

It is not unusual for poetry to be useful in some way. Many poets have written to impress or praise a loved one, to express sorrow at a loss, to describe something beautiful or sublime in nature. In a recent interview, when asked, “What do you want most from poetry,” Sharon Olds answered, “I want a poem to be useful.” For me, expressing my life in words was both healing and freeing. It allowed me to understand and to share what I see or feel or am passionate about. Through the poems I can help others, finding meaning in the sometimes dark or transcendent things that happen. Writing has heightened my awareness of the beauty around me.

What experiences in your life trigger your muse?

Anything might be a trigger. I never know what will strike me and compelling words begin. It could be as small as an ant or a shadow. It might be cancer or a relationship. It could be something that happens to me or something in the news. Life in all its messy complexity inspires me. I just try to pay attention.

Margaret, you have an extensive background in science. What drew you to the sciences? Do you find that part of you to be at odds with the poetic Margaret?

From an early age I was intensely curious about everything. I remember my Dad coming back from hunting. He laid out a newspaper on the dryer in the basement, cleaning a rabbit or squirrel for dinner, showing me what was inside. I was fascinated.

I grew up in a working class neighborhood. I didn’t know anyone who was a writer or an artist. For most of my life I had the impression I was not a creative person, so I followed the path that seemed open. My mom was a nurse and that appealed to me early on. In high school I had teachers and friends who encouraged me in biology, chemistry and math classes. I did my best when science was balanced with the arts, especially singing.

I don’t think my Ph.D. in microbiology from the University of Chicago is at odds with writing poetry. It was wonderful training in observation and gave me the confidence to speak for myself, good training for poet. Although I no longer do research or teach science, it is a language I still speak fluently. I follow areas of interest and sometimes that prompts a poem. After leaving my job teaching college biology courses at Lake Forest College, I came to realize that being a poet, being able to influence or help people through writing, is a powerful position.

Many of your poems have a very Tao-like simplicity to them. Is that intentional? I guess what I am asking is, do you think that is true, and do you have to work at the poems to achieve this depth of clarity?

I don’t think about how a poem should be expressed. I just try to get out of the way, listen, and let the poem be what it is. Some poems naturally seem simple and clear, others are more complex with layered meanings. The poems on my CD, Full Blooming, for example, were chosen for their accessibility since a listener would have to get some meaning with maybe just one chance at it. I always want a reader to be able to get something from the first read, and if they stay with it, more will come, even from apparently simple poems. Lisel Mueller once said at a reading that she felt her best poems were ones that came to her all at once and did not get re-worked over and over. And I feel that way too. If I am very present in the moment and pay attention to writing the poem down as it comes to the surface, sometimes a poem comes intact, a perfect gift. The craft of writing is important. Good poems may also come together after extensive editing and re-writing. My process has much to do with how it sounds, so reading a poem aloud is how I tell when a poem feels finished. Clarity is achieved if I can “catch” what it was that drew me into the poem in the first place–with no extraneous words.

Some might say that your poems are extremely accessible. Yet, they may be imbued with layers of complexity within the reader’s completion. Do you mean for your poems to be more useful than literary, or more useful than objects of art? Is there a paradox here?

My later poems are more often multi-layered. I like this question about what the reader contributes to the poem; often others find meanings I did not consciously intend. Both are valid ways of looking at a poem. As poets, I think we can tune in and give voice to universal truths, which are then recognized by others.

I want to bridge both worlds and so I submit work to literary journals as well as other places. Something can be beautiful as well as useful. With the Internet, the sharpness of those lines between literary and useful are blurring. That said, I would put myself in the plain-speech category of poets. My strongest influences have been poets like Lisel Mueller, Jane Kenyon, Mary Oliver, Sharon Olds, Kay Ryan, and Billy Collins.

If I can write something that moves someone, gives voice to what is happening in their own life, that is true power. If a poem inspires someone to be hopeful and not despairing, I am truly grateful. One of the highest compliments I ever received was a woman who said that I “caught her life on paper” in a poem I wrote for her.

I don’t think there is a paradox. I think poems have always been useful. Whether a poet was trying to woo a lover or grieve the passing of a dear friend or celebrate the sweetness of their child. Lisel Mueller said that she began writing poetry because it was the only container that could hold her grief at the loss of her mother. William Carlos Williams said: “That’s the way writing often starts, a disaster or a catastrophe… by writing I rescue myself under all sorts of conditions…it relieves the feeling of distress.”

Margaret, you have a successful internet presence. How do you feel about the business of poetry? Does it detract from, or enhance your abilities as an author?

I don’t think business detracts from writing. Yes, it does take time and energy, but it also connects you to all kinds of people. Getting the work out is, in part, why we write. My poems cannot help someone or move them in any way if the poems cannot be found. How to get the word out is constantly changing, with the Internet making poems more easily available. Poetry for me is about connection. Someone from Australia found me by searching for “capable peace poem trust” for example. An article about my first book, As Easy as Breathing, appeared in the South China Morning Post, a major newspaper in Hong Kong. I have no idea how that happened. I learned about it from a woman who read the article and emailed me asking for advice on healing MS. A few years ago a woman found my poem, “I Am Willing,” and used it as a Lenten reflection on her blog. Since that time blogs all over the world have picked up that poem. Sometimes visitors come to my website from those blogs. For a poet, everything that happens, every thought, every person you meet could get woven into a poem at some point. Nothing is wasted. The same is true with the business end.

What are your future plans for your writing, and/or artistic presence?

Thank you for asking. With a new web designer I just finished the first complete re-design of my website, FullBlooming.com, since 2001. The site will continue to evolve and grow. My blog is now integral to the site and many features were added, like the Poem of the Week. In the process of four months of work on this, I re-discovered articles I had written and ones that were written about me. Those are on the new FullBlooming.com as well.

I plan to be more active on my blog, combining essay, poetry and photography. Many new books are in the works using my poems and photographs. I would like to record more CDs. I am working on my first video using one of my early signature poems, “Cast Off,” interpreted by several people. Fascinating to watch what others bring to my words. I will give my unique poetry readings, weaving in some fun stress management and energy balancing, maybe some singing. I continue voice lessons and of course I keep writing and taking photographs. I am open to creative collaborations and new ideas that will still come.

To Keep by Letting Go

Sun Through Orchid Copyright 2013 Margaret Dubay Mikus

Sun Through Orchid © 2013 Margaret Dubay Mikus

I have been excavating my desks, the downstairs desk in the kitchen for the house, my upstairs office desk for work. Coming out of an extended time when stuff was saved in piles; I don’t even remember what is in them. A number of discoveries so far, including this poem from 2011 (office desk).

Why I printed it out, I don’t recall, but it’s part of a series of heartfelt poems about giving up poetry after 18 years of writing my poetic journal. And then a poem comes along and I write and somehow keep on. Maybe with a slightly different trajectory or letting go the results.

Just write. See what comes of it, if anything. And the writing itself is the goal, as much as anything is. To be myself, with myself, the words call and I follow. As I must.

What is your equivalent? What insists and calls you? What is most important?

12/3/11

Abrupt Clarity

When I said
I give up on writing
I meant it.

And I meant
I give up on struggle
it is too hard

and I meant it
when I said
it is sad, but not devastating,

not the end of the world
just all I had been building.

And you took it to mean
what it used to mean
coming from my old lips

and cautioned reflection
and wanted to change my mind
or calm my thinking.

But
I was right,
what is past is done

as far as setting out
my unsustainable future,
it is too hard

and I am giving up
on hard in my life.

Does this mean
I will not put words to page?
apparently not, for here they are

again,
restlessly leading me on.

And when the call came
last night at 3AM
and I thought my son

was wandering lost
in the cold, too far for my help,
there was an abrupt clarity

about what is important to me,
what I can do and not do,
what I have to let go.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2011

Each Life Is Precious

Washington DC in March Margaret Dubay Mikus  Copyright 2004

  March Petals                                                                                              Margaret Dubay Mikus   Copyright 2004

I have been writing a poetic journal since 1995, begun just after healing from multiple sclerosis. In 1996 I was diagnosed with breast cancer, completing treatment (surgery, chemo, and radiation) in 1997. I kept writing, (by hand, in spiral notebooks), but I was unable to get all of the poems edited and entered into the computer. Time went on and I recovered, facing other challenges over the years, balancing being a mother and wife, running a household, with writing and creative projects. At some point I got back to the process of getting my poems in the computer, organizing them in “Books” of six months of writing each. But I never got all those poems from 1997-98 into my files.

A long time passed. My writing changed, getting better I hope, more streamlined, clearer perhaps. But I held onto the idea that I wanted the complete “set” of poems to access for any future projects. The poems, as is any journal, are like memory. What happened? Who was I then, what inspired me?

Every so often over the years, I pulled out the dusty spiral notebooks and made efforts to get caught up. This week I began again in earnest to get all the poems into usable form. Many of them are clearly for my own use only. This is often the case with writing. But some surprised me. Here is one story I came upon tonight.

3/28/98

Each Life Is Precious

I am grateful
for each and every
hair growing on my head,

for eyes that blink
and open wide, that cry
or crinkle,

for every breath drawn in,
for every cell sent oxygen,
for a full heart beating untended

in time to ancient rhythm.
I am grateful for every day,
every minute each a gift,

for feet and hands and lips,
for knees and elbows and hips,
for skin and nails and toes,

for ears and eyebrows,
neck and shoulders,

for back straight
and thighs strong.

All this awareness
this awakening,

dedicated to the one
who was struck by a lemon-colored cab

right before our shocked eyes,
so hard his shoes flew off,

hit so fast and terrible
the body collapsed and lay flat

like a balloon doll with the air let out
or a scarecrow without its stuffing.

In that second, one easy Friday night
the world changed color.

We drove on, as many others came to help, hospital nearby,
we went on in horror, my head cupped in hands,

but not helpless. I sent healing energy
to support the spirit

so recently jolted from physical reality.
I held his ethereal hand as he shook it off

and kept on traveling.
I rubbed my husband’s shoulders,

he massaged my neck and head,
we spoke in hushed reverent tones

and drove carefully home.
I honor the one who gave us this lesson:

All life, every sometimes grating minute
is precious, beyond any earthly measure.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 1998

Letting Go and New Beginnings on Sale!!

2011 LGNB 95 smaller front coverD ebook for Smashwords-2

Take advantage of the Smashwords.com Summer/ Winter Sale for 75% OFF my award-winning book, Letting Go and New Beginnings! This makes it $1!

Go to https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/39211 and enter coupon code SSW75 at checkout. (Code is also in the right column of the book page.)

Supports those who are going through any kind of transition, and aren’t we all! This sale is only on during the month of July, so don’t wait. A great time to check out other Smashwords authors while you are there.

“It’s the story of loving and letting go, the bittersweet feeling all parents feel, all people feel when our cherished ones start to move on. I found the poems to be beautiful and timely—mirroring the transition I find myself in now—letting go, new beginnings. I also love how the imagery of the photographs expresses and compliments the intentions of the poems
.
Karen Gottlieb, archetypal consultant, fabric artist, co-owner of International Galleries, and mother of two daughters

Awaiting Further Instructions

I really resonated with an April 17, 2013 Facebook post by Lissa Rankin, MD, author of the new book, Mind over Medicine: Scientific Proof that You Can Heal Yourself. Here is the post in entirety (used with permission):

What if confusion, uncertainty, indecision, and lack of clarity didn’t paralyze you or throw you into fits of anxiety and impatience? What if you could just make peace with the fact that, sometimes, there’s nothing to do. It’s time to simply await further instructions and trust that the way will be shown to us when the timing is right.

What if there was no judgment around times when the future is fuzzy? What if you’re not flaky or clueless or lacking insight or wrong when you’re not sure what’s next? What if it’s just part of the process, and our only job during these times is to be mindful, pay attention to Signs from the Universe, listen clearly for further instructions, and then trust the instructions when they come so we can be brave enough to take action when the call comes?

Try this prayer: “If I’m meant to do something, please make the action clear. If I’m meant to wait, please grant me peace.”

When I read this I felt calmer during a confused, “fuzzy” time. I was more able to be still, rest, remember to breathe, and await further instructions. Two poems came to mind to help me.

This Is the Moment I Have

not tomorrow
with its joy or sorrow.

This is the moment—
when I floss my teeth,
and stand on two strong legs,

smiling in the mirror
at a face topped by hair.
This moment of easy breathing

with husband and children
deeply sleeping nearby.
This moment with fresh, cool

spring air blowing in my window
from a dark, rich night capped by stars.
This is the moment I have,

not next week or next month,
however much time and energy
I spend planning them.

How often am I actually
here…
in this only moment I have?

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 1997

From As Easy as Breathing
and my CD, Full Blooming

Illinois Rest Stop                     Copyright 2006 MDMikus

Still You Know

For Karen

When you’re driving
down a road
wrapped in deepest fog

still you know
you trust
the road is there.

Whether you’ve gone down
this road a million times
or just one,

though you can’t see
beyond your nose,
still you know the road is there.

You may slow,
you may be cautious
and cling to the center stripe,

still you head
where you are going,
still you trust.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 1998

From As Easy as Breathing

This is not the same as being in denial or avoidance. This is the natural cycle of replenishment and reevaluation necessary to wielding our true creative power in the world. I like this idea of awaiting further instructions…in whatever form they may come to me. 

What do you do when your life seems stalled? Spin your wheels or settle into it? Let germinate or rush off to be doing something…anything to keep moving?