Category Archives: change

Long-Time Love Poems for Valentine’s

A few poems I wrote for my husband, my long-time love and inspiration. We met the first day of an English class at the University of Michigan on January 17, 1972. I was nineteen and he was twenty. I was a zoology major and he was an economics major, both of us stepping out. Who knew what lay ahead?

6/18/96

I Come Back

to your waiting arms
and put my ear
to your heart
and breathe
and feel safe.

From that supported space
I can explore
and risk
and grow,
knowing I can always go
back to your waiting arms.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 1996

3/22/99

To Stephen

(approaching our twenty-fifth married year)

I used to have
all the time
in the world
to lay in your arms
and listen
to your heart beating.

Life went on,
but nothing more important
has come along.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 1999

2/13/08

Mutually Lucky

When I told a bit of our story,
a 36 year long story,
Rich said you were lucky to have me,
and I felt we were mutually lucky.

When one would have left
the other held on
and when conflict arose
both worked toward resolution.

And when Alex asked me today
if we were getting special presents
I said “not to be corny—
for us every day is Valentines Day.”

And it’s true.
Thank you for going through
what we’ve been through.
I’m lucky to have you.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2008

3/22/08

A Summing Up

You are my weakness and strength,
my ballast in time of storm,
the wind that blows through
my occasionally stale room,

my love.

My joy, my delight,
and if we sometimes fight,
my joy again in rapprochement.
To be held and consoled,

to laugh with and discuss
the news of the day, with wit if
not always agreement.
To be myself as much as

I would reveal, yet not
feel exposed and vulnerable.
With you I am safe,
supported and protected,

held in the strong arms
of love, my love. How long
has this gone on?
Years and years and years,

my love.

You want me to have what I long for
and I want you to have what you desire,
and together, hand in hand, we find
the path through and to Love,

my love.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2008

5/29/08

New Mexico Vacation

What began with a coyote
walking across the high desert road
illuminated by our headlights
and ended with a gift box

of chocolate truffles given
at the last for our anniversary,
was filled to the top
with all manner of experience,

all forms of weather,
all levels of elevation.
One day easily melted into the next
with minimum of planning.

Love encircled us
and drew to us
beauty, peace, contentment, healing.
What was needed arrived…

with no fuss
and was embraced by us
with joy and ease
and awareness.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2008

7/26/08

Far Away, My Love

You feel so far away my love,
though you’ve only gone to Michigan

and I stayed here to rest.
I reach over to pat your head

though you are sleeping in another bed.
Your presence is here strong

and real as anything.
And though I long for touch or smile

I feel you across the miles
thinking, loving, being with family,

and I charge you, dear one
to also represent me.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2008

10/27/08

For You, Yet Again

(for my husband)

Some day you and I
will no longer exist in this form,
not just metamorphosis of aging:

wrinkles, gray hair, spots
where was pristine skin,
not raspy voice instead of mellow song,

but truly gone,
no hugs, no sparkle eyes, or smiles,
no encouragement or discussion of days events,

a photo as reminder two-dimensional,
what we loved as memento
of life well-lived.

Whatever we do next
the molecules of our bodies
will scatter in ultimate recycling.

What impressions our feet
have made on the earth
is all that will remain.

Yet I will talk to you
not needing words
and we will do as was agreed,

and if we stay together
or go our separate ways then
is no matter

for what was love
is always love
and that is that.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2008

“I Come Back” is found in my book, As Easy as Breathing, in my Life Support Cards ™ and on my CD, Full Blooming: Selections from a Poetic Journal (2007).

So Much Is Better, But…

Over the years, I’ve healed from a lot of medical stuff including eczema, MS, depression, breast cancer, heart arrhythmia, etc. I am now dealing with an umbilical (belly button) hernia. Twice it was repaired surgically. The repairs held, but then another area weakened with a hole larger than the previous one. Not good.

My approach to healing body-mind-emotions-spirit (all as one) is multi-faceted and practical. I have successfully done this kind of healing work for 15 years. In this case, I used healing energy (Reiki), acupressure, and affirmations from Louise Hay (Heal Your Body). For hernia: “My mind is gentle and harmonious. I love and approve of myself. I am free to be me.” Lovely and calming to say out loud, don’t you think?

I looked back to examine possible contributing factors, to root out the source of the problem, not just eliminate symptoms. As usual, I researched, meditated, consulted my inner wisdom, read, and found healing partners to help me. I consulted with Renee B., a digestive specialist recommended by three different people in one week. The Universe was speaking and finally I paid attention. Under the guidance of the very talented Dr. Lisa, (recommended by a friend) I took herbal and homeopathic supplements. I made changes in food, exercise, breathing, and attitude. I listened to guided imagery CDs by Belleruth Naparstek for heart and digestion. I monitored my blood pressure and worked on getting to bed earlier, my special bugaboo.

This was a lot to do; I was highly motivated. But a few days ago, an “Ah ha” moment. All this healing work is good. And now I need to be where I am, and stop looking backwards. To find the answer and the healing I seek, I need to flow with “The River.” In other words, let go and go forward.

In some sense, what this hernia feels like to me is being pregnant. So here is the poem (and the hope) that came out of that image.

2/11/09

Expecting

What am I pregnant with,
what is gestating obviously,
awaiting delivery or expression?

What metaphor allows the body
to be released from the bump,
the half bowling ball,

stuck out from my middle?
I refuse to believe
or even to entertain the possibility

that there is no meaning,
that peeling the onion layers
results in tears and release

but not healing.
All things are possible even if
not reasonable, not probable.

Over and over darkness
has come to and through me,
not like inevitable night follows day,

but dark like an eclipse of the sun,
dark like ash from a volcano
obliterating summer from the planet,

dark like an expanding black hole
that sucks in all light.
And to even remember sunrise

takes extreme effort of will
or patience or trust or faith.
And yet…every time

darkness lifts when
mysteriously the time is right,
and this miracle, this golden

egg is laid at my feet.

Space of Grace

After several years of working with health professionals, I healed from multiple sclerosis in spring of 1995. The body is amazing; it will do its best to adapt to any circumstance. It took years of additional rehab to undo all the adaptations in my body, to enable smooth, fluid walking for example, muscles and nerves coordinated and in balance. I learned a lot about how complex and interwoven these ordinary tasks are. And I had a renewed appreciation for the hard work of babies to learn to walk in the first place.

I did not set out to heal from MS, which I had been told was not possible. I set out to deal with depression as my physical symptoms increased and the life path that stretched out before me diminished. I am careful when I say that I healed from MS, and there is solid evidence that this is so. This is not the day I want to talk about that healing process, nor what I learned. What I do want to say is that healing from MS cracked me open creatively speaking.

Most of my life I had the impression I was not a creative person. In looking back, I can see some of how that misunderstanding took root. It seems ludicrous now that I have found my home in creating beauty, in poetry, photography, music, etc. For me it took MS to bring me home to my creative self. The symptoms most often affected my left side, controlled by the right hemisphere of the brain, the creative center. In some unconscious way, I had cut myself off from my creative side. This is obviously simplistic, but has truth in it. Once the MS was gone, I had a creative awakening, with ideas bursting out of me as if they had been waiting my whole life for me to notice. I continued working on healing. I began a poetic journal, which has now been going for almost fourteen years.

Within a year (1996) I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Two tumors, one in each breast, picked up on a routine mammogram, followed by further testing. I was 44 years old with a husband and two young children. It is not stretch to say that writing the poems saved my life. It was an integral part of my healing from cancer. Writing allowed me to express what was happening to me, to understand, and to share. It turned out that others were also helped by these poems.

Early on in my writing, I noticed that certain people seemed to stimulate my creativity. When I was going to my voice lessons or having a massage, for example. I started calling these times, my space of grace. A time when I could more easily draw from the universal creative well. I am sure you have these times and people in your life as well. What people or places or events open a space of grace in your life?

3/17/06

Space of Grace

There are some times, some places, some people
which evoke in the space before and after
like a cushion of rarified air—

a space of grace during which anything
can happen: insight, inspiration, healing, clarity,
answers to thorny questions asked, joy, levity, harmony.

This grace is unearned, unmeasured, unpaid for,
unencumbered by elegant expectation.

This grace is a miracle or
the environment for miracles to happen—
a little bit of heaven,

casually interwoven with
the apparent ordinary.

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