Category Archives: change

36–” Perfectly Imperfect” from “Frazzle”

Change Manifest, California Shore by M D Mikus, Copyright 2013

“It is hard to be
out of sync with my body.
The body speaks and
I don’t listen,

I try but
don’t entirely succeed
to remember healing
is a process…”

From poem 36, “Perfectly Imperfect,” in my book, Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine: Poems of Grace, Hope, and Healing.  Listen here: https://youtu.be/x5pfX7iigzs

Although I am in some ways the same, I am also different now from the woman who wrote these poems 7 years ago, however revealing and personal. I made it through the times described in the book, to the “other side.” The nature of healing and transformation, of course, is that you are changed at the end. When reading these poems for you now, I inhabit them (and her), open my heart, and deliver. With a bit of distance, I perceive things I was not able to see then. But I am aware of the changes, even the way I write has changed.

I began a poetic journal after healing from multiple sclerosis 21 years ago. My creativity was “cracked open.” The poems act as a kind of truer memory, the details and emotions of an event written down at the time are not subject to the fogginess of remembering things only in my head. If you’ve ever compared recollections of growing up with your siblings, you know what I mean.

For more poem videos from “Frazzle”

THROWN AGAIN into the FRAZZLE MACHINE: Poems of Grace, Hope, and Healing

30–“Ankles Cracking on the Stairs” from “Frazzle”

In my book, Letting Go and New Beginnings: A Mother’s Poetic Journey, I spoke to the emotional turmoil of our two kids leaving home for college. The upheavals and the adjustments gradually led my husband, Stephen, and me to our new life on our own. Then the economy collapsed and our son and daughter both ended up back home (while we were remodeling). We all had to readjust to living together—in the midst of chaos. The title of this poem came from the sound of my son coming home at night. How you may miss even those little things when they leave again.

“…their removal
will leave a hole…

again.
And again…the longing.”

From poem 30, “Ankles Cracking on the Stairs,” in Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine: Poems of Grace, Hope, and Healing. Listen here: https://youtu.be/eWhEMcR35jY

Remind you of any time in your life?

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29–“Purpose?” from “Frazzle”

Looking Back While Moving Forward, Margaret Dubay Mikus Copyright 2014

The uterus as metaphor, as symbol, as well as the actual physical organ, is one ongoing thread in Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine. (As you will see, one of the later poems gave the book its title.) Many women “of a certain age” have issues with the winding down of their fertility, the cycling of their hormones. Some women grieve the loss, some celebrate the freedom, the ending of one life purpose and

“…continual re-birthing of…
my Life”

Poem 29, “Purpose?” in my book, Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine: Poems of Grace, Hope, and Healing. Listen here: https://youtu.be/o-olV3JyPAU

What is your story?

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27–“You Can Ask” from “Frazzle”

Years ago I had the idea for a series of poem-videos. In 2014 I finally posted four short videos (one was a song). I got tangled in all “my stuff.” You know what I mean: not being good enough, or not quite the right time, or ongoing life challenges, or needing to be perfect, or fearful of looking foolish, etc. And nothing more happened until this December.

I had an “aha” moment and realized I needed to read these poems aloud to give myself a positive focus and possibly also help others. My book, Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine, was meant to be “a lifeboat through hard times,” among other things. I knew from long experience that reading aloud was the most powerful way to deliver these poems. And so, 27 days ago, I began: starting at poem 1 and reading a poem a day (in chronological order).

“… No longer need to please
anyone but myself…”

From poem 27, “You Can Ask,” in my book, Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine: Poems of Grace, Hope, and Healing. Listen to the entire poem here: https://youtu.be/Vnc6ZyPUFGY

What holds you back from doing something helpful? Can you take one step?

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26–“Burning the Candle at Both Ends” from “Frazzle”

I suspect I’m not the only one with this recurring challenge: not just too little rest, but too much action, insufficient recharging stillness and reviving solitude. I forget that I love to sing…just for myself. I forget to breathe deeply, to laugh even.

“I am running out of candle
to burn at both ends

toward the ever-diminishing middle….”

Poem 26, “Burning the Candle at Both Ends” from my book, Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine: Poems of Grace, Hope, and Healing. Listen here: https://youtu.be/0afvI8xIVOY

What is your biggest self-care challenge?

For more poem videos from “Frazzle”