Category Archives: gratitude

Evening with Eric Whitacre

10:30 last night I drove back home in the snow from an incredible event with Eric Whitacre. So far exceeded any unconscious expectations I might have had, I was flying. It’s hard to pin down exactly why we were so thoroughly buzzed after. Everything lined up so perfectly it was one of those rare times when I felt in exactly the right place at exactly the right time, entirely content.

To recap: The latest snow—in one of the snowiest winters ever—held off for the drive in. I did not get turned around in Evanston, (which happens to me often). Easy parking in a covered lot a block away. Welcomed by new Virtual Choir friends, Elisabeth (and Jonathan), Darrell (and Penna), and Lisa at The Celtic Knot Pub in Evanston, where the food was good and the company was awesome!

At the urging of Darrell Polka, I read the most recent of my Eric Whitacre-Virtual Choir inspired poems to the group (see below). We then walked over to the Alice Millar Chapel at Northwestern University just as the snow was beginning to accumulate. Lovely dusting and reasonably warm (for these days). Beautiful space. Got to hear Eric rehearsing the Apollo Chorus singing his piece, Lux Aurumque, a conducting master class. Transcendent! He talked us through some of his creative process with such humor and warmth. Excellent questions asked in the Q & A with such thoughtful, vulnerable, insightful answers. We even all got to sing a few bars of a piece he is working on and then hear Lux Aurumque in entirety. Just soaked right into me!

Then the meet and greet (maybe as many as 700 of us). Eric is one of those rare people who can captivate an audience and also fully connect with individuals. He focused on each of us in turn, gracious and generous. Responsive, receiving, and…well, genuine. His energy and enthusiasm is just so contagious! I delivered the three poems to him, got a CD signed and photos taken (by Jonathan). Talked a minute or so and some whirlwind hugs. Floating…

When I first heard about Eric Whitacre coming nearby, I was recovering from major abdominal surgery and felt too vulnerable to go out on my own, certainly not drive and walk out in the slippery snow! Even though I wanted to meet my local Virtual Choir friends in real life, I didn’t plan on going. At some point, I decided to stop thinking about whether to go or not and just see if it all came together. Get out of my own way. I emailed for a ticket and that was good. Emailed the restaurant and they got back to me in an hour (yes, they had a gluten-free menu, very accommodating). And that was good. Parking was nearby. That was good. The weather was manageable and most of all I recovered. Walking the few minutes, even in snow was a piece of cake. That was good. Reassuring. As I said to Elisabeth, it all worked out. My job was to let it. Have you ever had that experience when you let go and allowed your life to come together?

Here are the poems, part of the ongoing collection inspired by Eric Whitacre and Virtual Choir.

8/28/13

Eric Whitacre: Godzilla Eats Las Vegas
(with Elvises)

There is music
takes itself so serious
and then

there is music
without a serious bone
that can sink in

to the dark places
and lighten
lift out of

and up
soaring without risk
of falling back.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2013

8/28/13

Cracked Open After Louise Penny

While listening to Arvo Pärt Cantus in memoriam Benjamin Britten,
Proms, 2010 on YouTube—posted by Eric Whitacre on Facebook

Not about fixing
the irreparably broken
but creating

the newborn form
to take its place
in memoriam,

to allow, not push or defend
deliberate shoots that spring up
through soil

even if not particularly fertile,
and shoots can grow
into something novel

and bloom someday
into something as yet
merely envisioned…

almost.
To take the risk
as if…

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2013

10/2/13

Subset of Virtual Choir
Glow

Why
spend precious hours
on a seasonal short song

to sing into a camera and send?
Naked it feels
to risk a public

miscalculation
of being less than…
perfection.

The charismatic man
behind the tune
calling for the tribe,

offering a vision,
a chance to gather
even in competition

some, not all, will win. Why?
To open the door and get inside,
sync with the rhythm,

learn music from intent repetition
and deliver the song
to the green dot and beyond.

Why, again why?
Because to live
is to risk, is to stretch

is to grow, is to know
possibility of
contentment within

even virtual achievement.
To be connected,
not alone, to belong

through trials, through song
Innate in the genes, to be together,
though apparently separate.

For the inspiration,
follow the inclination,
why do anything,

hit a ball with a bat,
throw or jump or run,
pull a bow across strings,

stroke a key or blow into a tube,
riff on a guitar or beat a drum
is to express being…human

being with virtual friends.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2013

My Tribute to Pete Seeger

My family lived in a working-class suburb of Detroit. Mom took care of us (eventually seven kids) and also worked sometimes as a registered nurse. Dad worked in the same factory all his life, mostly midnight shift. He was a card-carrying union man. Our house was originally a two-bedroom bungalow and my Dad partially finished the attic into two more bedrooms (but still only one bathroom). We all had chores and were expected to pitch in. We always had food, shelter, and clothes and did not consider ourselves poor, but hard-working, not many frills, as were most of the people we knew.

I grew up in the 1950’s and 60’s, a singer in church choir and Catholic school chorus. I never met Pete Seeger, nor saw him perform in person, but I was deeply shaped by the Folk Revival he helped spearhead and by his songs. We moved across town in 1965 for us to attend the new Bishop Gallagher High School. Around that time were the Detroit riots and the protest movements were catching fire: against the Vietnam war, against segregation, for peace and equality of race and sex. I sang in the Folk Mass group at church and at some point I learned If I Had a Hammer, Where Have All the Flowers Gone, Turn, Turn, Turn, etc. The music just soaked right into me, in part shaping the clay of who I was becoming.

Shore Rocks in Calm Water MDMikus Copyright 2013

Since his death this week I’ve read so many stories posted online of those who knew Pete Seeger and are saddened by his loss. I too wanted to say something about his effect on my life and this poem/song came to me. A unique process from my other writing, and the music still has to be worked out (easy to sing along). But here is the poem/lyrics, my attempt to “catch something of the man.”

1/28/14

My Own Tribute
Pete Seeger, 1919-2014

Although Pete Seeger
traveled here and there,
now he is everywhere.

Though there are those
who would make him saint (or sinner)
he doesn’t care, if he ever did,

for he knows best what we all know
how the days are numbered rare,
now Pete Seeger is everywhere.

Not up on a pedestal I’m sure he’d say,
he was an honest man with a mission,
not down in the gutter either, nor scared,
now Pete Seeger is everywhere.

Singing in his confident voice
inviting us to sing along,
songs that we all know and share,
now Pete Seeger is everywhere.

Not in charge of anything big,
working day to day for the voiceless ones,
a determined “ordinary” man who cared,
now Pete Seeger is everywhere.

All the stories of something kind he said,
from everyone who met him or wished they did,
but when Toshi died last year, he died a bit I swear,
now Pete Seeger is everywhere.

His energy released from form now joins us,
not buried in the ground nor ashes spread,
not in some fancy world “up there,”
now Pete Seeger is everywhere…

singing, playing, chopping wood,
encouraging, traveling, doing good,
planting seeds, making a better place,
playing banjo, eye to eye, face to face,
exhorting us to care, I swear

now Pete Seeger is everywhere.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2014

Update: A few days later I emailed the poem to Rich Warren, who is the host of Folkstage (and The Midnight Special) on WFMT, where Stephen and I are members. I knew Rich would be working on his radio tribute to Pete Seeger and thought he might like it. He said I could read my poem to the audience before Folkstage went on the air. It took me only minutes to agree. In the “spirit of Pete,” the group said the repeating line with me. It was awesome! Thanks, Rich, for the opportunity!

Me at WFMT-- Photo by Stephen Mikus, Copyright 2014

Update: Finally, a video of my reading this poem.

Poem in Preparation for Surgery

10/24/07

Instructions to the Body
Prior to Surgery

Yield to the scalpel whether laser or blade,
limit leaks of precious fluids,
let nerves that are cut be soothed,
relax into the induced-sleep state of healing.

Heart beats strong in a steady rhythm,
blood pressure calm,
breath relaxed and easy,
all organ systems functioning smoothly.

From the giant pharmacy of drugs
for which you have instructions,
make all those that in your wisdom
are needed to optimally heal.

Release what is to be taken
for the highest good.
Protect what is to remain
for future days stretching out long before me.

Allow melding with mind, emotion and spirit
in service of healing.

Be hopeful, be kind to all concerned.
Know I trust.
Know I love you.
Know I am most grateful.

And to the cells that are leaving,
a blessing for long service,
both individually and together
speak well for me.

Be hopeful, be kind to all concerned.
Know I trust.
Know I love you.
Know I am most grateful.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2007

From my short collection, New Year’s Eve Surgery, which I gave to my medical team before a bilateral mastectomy and removal of my ovaries in 2007. It turned out that I carry a BRCA 2 mutation and I’d had three breast cancer tumors by that point. I spent time in research and reflection before making such a deeply personal decision. I wanted my team to know something about me before embarking on this very personal and human experience. I wanted the conversation to be more healing and less clinical. And so I chose some poems and a few winter photos to speak for me. I decorated the chapbook covers with glitter streamer and star stickers. My sister, Marie, had the brilliant idea for them to sign my copy of the chapbook, which made it very interactive. Later, I got to read all their support for me. Amazing!

Three weeks ago I was facing another major surgery, hysterectomy, and thought of this poem. I recited it aloud to myself for several days before: the mind giving the body specific instructions to do well. These were my own affirmations, a very practical piece. I printed a copy of the poem and took it with me, intending to read it again at the hospital. Instead, when the anesthesiologist came to talk with me, she asked an unexpected question: “Was there anything I wanted to have her read to me before surgery? While awake or asleep?” I gave her this poem and she read it to me immediately prior to the surgery, while I was sleeping. Awesome! Very calming of my anxiety. I did not have to arrange anything. I felt in good hands all around and I have healed well.

(New Year’s Eve Surgery is available in the Store as a FREE pdf for a bit longer.)

Willow Review Reading

I am grateful to Michael Latza (Editor) for inviting me to be the Illinois featured author for the 40th anniversary issue of the Willow Review. It is a beautiful magazine, inside and out (see cover to left).

“Veiled References,” Steven Jones

The April launch was delayed by huge storms and flooding. But it was a perfect clear fall day for the reading and launch on September 26th at College of Lake County in Grayslake, IL.

Several people read from the 2013 Willow Review, both prose pieces and poems. I went last. I chose to read all 20 of my accepted poems, selections from 2006 to 2012 (about 23 minutes).

Thank you to Mike Latza for the photos!

MDM with Robert Klein Engler, award-winner for his poem, “Child’s Play”

Robin Kacel, associate editor, gives lovely reading

MDM reading one of 20 accepted poems

I felt like I did my best reading ever, delivering each poem, connecting to those who came. Following the reading there was a Q&A session with perhaps 6 very thoughtful questions. Wonderful, attentive audience of about 40!

Stephen (and daughter Alex, not pictured) were there to support

Thank you to all who came, family, students, old friends and new friends, literary people of all persuasions.

Coming soon: my interview published in the Willow Review.

Tell me, what have you done lately that “stretched you” out of your comfort zone?

Restoration of Exuberance

Peony in Sun--Margaret Dubay Mikus, Copyright 2006

I have come out of a very dark time. One of those rough patches that comes along now and then. Not every minute, but pervasive and often, requiring lots of extra support to get through the days. Totally justified. In one year I lost five people close to me including my Mom and youngest brother. My youngest sister was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. The year before both of my husband’s parents passed away. Left us with the breath knocked out, in a way. I ended up in the hospital with congestive heart failure two weeks after Mom’s death and a long road back to health. Grieving was a major factor I was sure. And this year around Mother’s Day I woke with my heart in a funny rhythm and again in the hospital before it righted itself. Not as bad as last year, but still…

As it approached the anniversary of my mother’s death, I could feel the extra sadness coming toward me like a damp cold. And I felt in some way, if I could only get past that mark, I would be on the road to feeling better. But the grief was so deep and dark. So much writing (which will be helpful later, but put aside for now).

And then a post on Facebook by Elizabeth Gilbert (most well-known as the author of Eat, Pray, Love and Committed) and who gave an awesome TED talk on creativity. She talked about a sudden revelation. She had been waking in the night in fear of divorce, yet there were no problems in her current marriage. The fear was based on the past. And she realized that the past was past. She had been divorced and it was awful and she recovered and did not have to worry about it now. It was past.

And you know when you read something and it is exactly the right thing, as if someone was looking over your shoulder and watching out for you? Well, it was one of those things, exactly right. And just like that, I realized that my mother was gone, I did not have to wake up worrying if this would be the day. And my brother was gone after years of illness and I did not have to wonder if I would get the call. It was over.

And this is the poem. (You knew it was coming…) Thank you to my amazing support team!

7/12/13

Almost 1 Year Later
(July 14 anniversary)

Thank you Elizabeth Gilbert

Mom is dead,
she cannot die again,
the worst has happened,

in the past.
Not awaken every day
wondering if this is the day.

Release anxiety
like fluff in the air
from ripe dandelions,

like habits acquired
from practice or experience,
embedded in nerve nets

so deep-buried, impossible
to return to naiveté…
until this one day

when one person may say:
it is in the past.
It cannot repeat. Release.

And like that,
one finger snap,
it is.

Elizabeth Gilbert has a new book coming out in 13 days, a novel called The Signature of All Things. Looking forward to it. Thank you Thank you!

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Category Archives: gratitude

Evening with Eric Whitacre

My Tribute to Pete Seeger

Poem in Preparation for Surgery

Willow Review Reading

Restoration of Exuberance