Category Archives: healing

Life Lesson

Hotel in the Desert (c) Margaret Dubay Mikus 2009

This poem is a recurring lesson for me. I see so much need all around: family, friends, the world. And I have learned a lot that can be helpful to lessen pain and suffering, to heal. But I have to remember that we are each here to learn our own lessons and no one can know what is best for another. And I have to remember to take care of myself, which is a big enough challenge. And from that self-care will come the energy and insight to be present with others as they also face life struggles. Or to laugh together in times of joy.

4/21/06

My Lesson

If I take on your pain
but do not get with it
the tools to work it through—

the tools you have been given
as this is your lesson—
then all I get is grief

and all you get is numb,
temporarily. Brace for
the next onslaught

perhaps even worse.
But if I leave you
your pain, no matter

how deep and bitter,
and sit with you in the dark,
holding your hand in hope,

perhaps speaking in a soft,
reassuring voice, or sitting
in rich silence,

then you may discover
the tools you were given,
buried deep or resting in your palm

and you may recover
your power to heal,
yes…even from this.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2006

New Mexico Sunset (c) Margaret Dubay Mikus 2009

A Dream About Eric Whitacre

Fall at Chicago Botanic Garden Copyright MDMikus 2007

Context:

In a previous post I wrote about wanting to be in Virtual Choir 3, singing an alto part in “Water Night, a gorgeous and moving piece written and conducted (online) by Eric Whitacre. I did make it to submit a video with just enough voice to feel good about it (more later). Last Saturday, the “group photo” was posted of the 2945 people from 73 countries who submitted videos. After looking through all of the thumbnail photos and not finding mine, I remained calm. It was late (2AM), but I went back to the beginning, promising myself I would look again on Sunday. And there I was! third one down, fourth one over  from the top left corner. I felt absurdly pleased and light-hearted. The launch of Virtual Choir 3 is April 2. I can’t wait!

Today though, I’d like to tell you about a dream that happened two months later. And the follow through…

Yes, composer Eric Whitacre, is a dreamy character (who gets a lot of comments about his perfect hair), but it was not that kind of dream. This was more to do with creative encouragement and wanting to express something deeply heartfelt and essential. To be bold. A challenge to be fully myself.  Well, you’ll see…

3/3/12

In the Dream

which seemed real
I met Eric Whitacre
and I was not red-faced
and tongue-tied.

I handed him a paper
and said “I have written a poem”
and “Here, I have written some music.”
And he responded upon glancing

“This is a song” and
sang the music
which fit the poem perfectly
liking it enough on the spot

he decided to use it
for his next performance.
I was at that concert in rich detail
an informal setting

full complement of musicians
and singers and Eric
conducting the first half.
I awoke after the break

before they played one
note of mine.
And out of that dream
in that state neither dream nor waking

came the conviction
to give him
the perfect song, with my lines:
“I know that/ I am not my hair…”

and deeper
and more.

The shy voice says
step back while
the brave voice says
step forward

and be seen.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2012

So here is the song for you Eric Whitacre, in the spirit of the poem. I wrote it in 1996 when facing chemotherapy for breast cancer and loss of my own blonde hair (and also a loss of identity). I adapted the poem “I Know That” (which is now in my book, As Easy as Breathing).

I Know That:

I am not my hair,
I am not my eyebrows,
I am not my hunger,
I am not my tears.

I know that:

I am not my anger,
I am not my hopes,
I am not my scars,
I am not my fears.

I am not my mother,
or my mother’s mother,
I am not my aunt. I am not my sister
or my children or my husband.

I  am  not  my  past;

I am not my body;

I am the one inside,
along for the ride,
to get what there is
to get and to give
what I have to give.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 1996

Recorded the song on my CD, Full Blooming. (Track 19 on iTunes).

Healing Offering: Part Two

Updated on July 18, 2018:

What specifically could we do for healing relationships (including with ourselves), radiating this healing out into the world. In my experience this practice can dispel disharmony between people (feels like kind of an untangling):

Tonglen Meditation (I originally learned about this in a workshop with Joan Borysenko, Ph.D. in Chicago in 1995.)

Tonglen is from Tibetan, meaning giving and taking (or sending and receiving). It can be a powerful tool to transform negative into positive, what is tangled into smooth. There are many forms of tonglen (see Google). This is my own version, which I taught, re-shaped a bit over the years with my practice, understanding, guidance, and study of healing. There is no one right way to do this. No particular belief is required, just entertain the possibility that this might be helpful and see what happens. Much is accomplished by the power of intention. The basics are: Breathe in, pause (transform), breathe out. Here are the long and short versions.

Long version:
–To get ready: Find a quiet place and get into a comfortable and supported position. Uncross legs or ankles. If you are sitting, feel your feet fully on the floor if you can. Take three deep letting-go breaths (if possible, fill the belly with air and let out noisily). Close your eyes.

–Then envision a gold luminous light above and slightly in front of you, washing over your body, cleansing all the dark grime from every cell in your body and washing it out through the feet. You may feel lighter.

–Next focus on your heart, perhaps placing your hand on your chest, becoming aware of the warmth, energy, and power of the loving furnace of your beating heart.

–Picture yourself in your mind. Breathe in any dark grime that may be covering your own heart-light. Pause briefly as the darkness transforms into love by the power of your heart-furnace. Breathe that love back out to yourself. Repeat for perhaps a minute or two or until it feels done to you.

–Next envision someone close to you. Breathe in any darkness that may be covering their heart-light. Pause briefly as the darkness transforms into love by the power of your heart-furnace. Breathe that love back out to them. Repeat until it feels finished, maybe a minute or two, whatever seems right to you.

–Now envision someone you are at odds with. Breathe in any dark grime that may be covering their heart-light. Pause briefly as the darkness transforms into love by the power of your heart-furnace. Breathe that love back out to them. Repeat until it feels done, maybe a few minutes or whatever seems right to you.

–If someone else now comes to mind, continue this process. You might also envision an organization or troubled region, specific people or whatever seems appropriate to you. A group can also do this together (perhaps in the same place or just at the same time).

–And finally, very important to finish up with gratitude, perhaps thanking any guides you may work with (or none). Breathe normally for a bit, just feeling grateful.

Short version:
You can use this whenever someone throws you off. Say you are shopping or driving or at work and something happens with someone that feels yucky. You notice, stop a minute, breathe deeply, focus on your heart energy, and right then breathe in the dark clouds covering the heart-light of that person, transform the darkness in your heart, and breathe it back out as love, for whatever amount of time feels right. (You do not absorb any negative energy.) End by feeling grateful and breathing normally. And continue on with your day.

Note:
There is no one right way to do this. No particular belief is required, just entertain the possibility that this might be helpful and see what happens. Much can be accomplished by the power of intention.

I have also done tonglen to support healing relationships (which I see as gold cords of light between people). I believe it works for any living thing, including organizations and countries. It feels good to do, calming, empowering, and harmonizing. Practical. Please remember you do not control the outcome. No one can say what will happen after the tonglen meditation. But my experience has always been positive (usually surprisingly so). Good for me and good for the person I was having trouble with. I love win-win situations!

I’d like to know: what is your experience with this?

Tomorrow, my song “Prayer of Lovingkindness.”

An Offering to Inspire Healing

Fall Flower from Stella, Copyright 2011 Margaret Dubay Mikus

I am a long-time member of the International Women’s Writing Guild. This supportive organization is going through a painful (and divisive) transition right now. I wanted to do something to facilitate the healing process. Three things came to mind, to share a new poem, the tonglen meditation, and my song, “Prayer of Lovingkindness.” This then is my offering. First, here is the poem, written for us:

2/13/12

Death…or Re-birth?

(necessary turmoil)

Let us be calm.
Let us each take a deep breath,
let it out loud and long.
Then another.

Let us let go of
unsupported assumptions
and blame and taking sides,
the past is over.

We are creating the future
out of whole cloth…or not.
This sacred time of transition,
unparalleled opportunity

to re-envision the mission,
take the best of what was and
meld into what could be,
let go of what might have been

if only….
let go what you heard
might have happened….
If this collective

is to stay connected
patience and imagination,
minimum requirements for coherence.

We are women, we are writers, we are midwives.
It is our nature to give birth
to a living thing
only partly from our own genes,

to merge apparent opposites.
We are not powerless
waiting for the whims of others.
We can sit in our homes, clear-focused

and imagine the most ardently desired outcome.
With one caution, I set this in motion:
be kind, be generous, envision from certainty of compassion.
We are healers, it is not only what we do

with words or looks or action,
it is who we are, where we put our attention.
So let us heal our beloved organization.
Begin.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2012

Tomorrow I’ll post my version of the Tonglen Meditation, a practical and powerful aid to untangling relationships. What in your life is struggling to change and grow? What do you need to let go?

Inspiration and Creation

One thing that fascinates me is how creativity inspires and encourages further creative expression. How a poem I read may prime the pump for the emergence from me of another poem — or some other form. It is magical, somehow. I’m aware of being careful what I read, what fuel I put into the hopper…

A week or so ago, while battling yet another cold, I happened on the Facebook announcement of Virtual Choir 3.0, Water Night. This is an extraordinary choral piece by Eric Whitacre, adapting a poem by Octavio Paz, (translated from Spanish by Muriel Rukeyser). Very cool story about the music came to be composed. I had heard about Virtual Choir 1.0 and 2.0 from a TED talk by Eric.

The way Virtual Choir works is that Eric posts video of himself conducting the chosen piece which he posts online.  Virtual choir members then practice and submit individual recordings of their parts: soprano, alto, tenor, or base. These videos are then assembled by a super tech guy into a coherent whole. The results are stunning. VC 1.0 was Lux Aurumque (scroll down), with about 180 singers from 12 countries and VC 2.0 was Sleep with 2052 singers from 58 countries.

The deadline for submissions for VC 3.0 is Jan 31. Even with no voice (from laryngitis) I was drawn to do this. Although I’d sung in choirs most of my life, the last time was 15 years ago. (Since then I’ve been taking voice lessons which has increased my confidence, etc.) So  last week I began with learning the words to the song, listening to my part (alto 4) and listening to the whole and getting acquainted with the technology. All with the hope that I would recover in time.

Every night I “practice.” One night I actually sang. This is a gorgeous piece, a spiritual experience to sing. The more I work with it the more compelling it is. And through the Facebook page, I feel a connection to other singers, struggling with the same difficulties in notes and breathing and tech problems.

I am inspired and encouraged by this experience, however it ends up. And, as it turns out, I’ve written my own poem about the process of creation of this wondrous work that is uniting people all over the world through music, through hopeful vibration…dare I say, healing?  Who has inspired you? Come sing!

1/19/12
Thursday

Creation of Water Night

by Eric Whitacre and Octavio Paz

First was the word
and that vibration in translation
set the possibility in motion
that someone, sometime
would come who heard the music
and could set it down.

And in that decision
was the inherent gift,
the Universe saying Yes,
leading to the poem, then
words lassoing the music.
The lotus bud tightly closed
opened its lush velvet petals
revealing the inner gold.

For what was desire
was only a direction to head,
not the ultimate goal.
And direction led to here…
and now…and astonishment…
and beauty everlasting.
Small splash, then larger
as patient tendrils effortlessly
envelope and transform
the ever-expanding whole.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2012