Category Archives: health

Coping in These Crazy Times: A New Poem

Life Lesson

Night Ladder, Albuquerque, NM. Copyright 2012 by MD Mikus.

I suspect you are like me, at least a little bit, and perhaps you have some anxiety about what is going on in the world, in our country (USA) right now, and where things seem to be headed. I try to remember that transitions are always messy—both personal and cultural. And right now a lot of truth is being revealed. All this is essential for healing, and ultimately for positive change. But I am risk averse, I struggle with change, even of the potentially positive kind. Stress levels have risen and the election is still not over. For weeks I have been sick with a respiratory virus that went into lingering bronchitis. Nothing to be done, but stay the course. Every day I try to do something productive. Yesterday I took my blood pressure and it was elevated and I realized there were a number of possible causes. And this poem popped out. Perhaps it will help you as it helped me.

10/18/16

Rising Blood Pressure
as an Indicator

Our collective blood pressure
has risen as we simmer
in a toxic stew
as we see or hear even
without wanting or meaning to
of the worst in us without
regard to all the rest until
it seems beauty and generosity
has been banished
But no
do not fall into that trap
of believing how it seems
is how it is
Stop
Step back
Breathe
OK, one more breath
Remember
one good thing
that happened today
or happened to you once
when your heart expanded
for a moment or
you were deep-down warmed
Hold this thought
as antidote
a touchstone to go to when
you almost tumble down that cliff
when you almost lose yourself.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2016

Thank you to Kip and Crystal for listening to this poem and encouraging me to get it out there. What good is it sitting in my files?

The Extended Story of the Perfect “Frazzle” Cover Photo

48-MDMikus--Mother's Day in MI--08

Dorothy is on the left.

It was 2014. I couldn’t quite settle on the title for a poem collection I was working on. I called my sister, Dorothy, and tried out a number of possibilities. She didn’t care for any of them. She is very honest. She asked, “Don’t you sometimes use a poem title for the book title?” I went back through all the poems in the book and came up with three choices. One in particular seemed to fit. I called my sister and she agreed. And so was named “Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine.”

The poem is about a phone call from my gynecological surgeon with a surprise cancer diagnosis. I was alone. It was a week after a hysterectomy that had gone smoothly and lab tests had shown no cancer. But further analysis picked up endometrial cancer. Crazy. No further treatment was recommended, just “enhanced surveillance” every three months for two years. We had made a crucial decision to do the classic surgery with a 10 inch-incision, not the laparoscopic procedure. This decision meant that the unexpected cancer cells had not been spread throughout my body, but were contained in the intact uterus, which had been completely removed. I had a bit longer recovery, but no cancer. (Last month I “graduated” from the enhanced surveillance.) So this poem was in many ways a capsule of what the book was about: life’s twists and how in the end it all turns out.

12/19/13

Thrown Again into the Frazzle Machine
Phone call from Dr. Alok Pant

How long does it take to
find the ground

to wrap the mind around
another cancer diagnosis

life ongoing
remember that

the choice made
one recent night

to live…still
much to do

who am I now
alone and in relation to.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2013

Once the title was in place the cover image immediately came to mind. I had taken a series of photos the year before after a vacation in Wisconsin. We’d stayed in Sturgeon Bay and my husband discovered Popelka Trenchard Fine Art Glass Gallery. We watched a glass blowing demonstration, seeing a small vase take shape from the molten strands of glass. We bought the vase as our souvenir. Back at home I was sitting at my kitchen table looking at the intricate patterns and the sun shone down through the skylight. I was captivated by the swirling colors in the light and took a series of photos with the camera lens in the vase pointed at the bottom. One of them, “Light through Once Molten Glass,” turned out to be exactly right for the new book cover: a central vortex with light streaming through the darkness to create beauty. What had been molten blobs was skillfully shaped into a new creation we saw being “birthed.” Perfect.

What is your creativity “birth” story?

Poem in Preparation for Surgery

10/24/07

Instructions to the Body
Prior to Surgery

Yield to the scalpel whether laser or blade,
limit leaks of precious fluids,
let nerves that are cut be soothed,
relax into the induced-sleep state of healing.

Heart beats strong in a steady rhythm,
blood pressure calm,
breath relaxed and easy,
all organ systems functioning smoothly.

From the giant pharmacy of drugs
for which you have instructions,
make all those that in your wisdom
are needed to optimally heal.

Release what is to be taken
for the highest good.
Protect what is to remain
for future days stretching out long before me.

Allow melding with mind, emotion and spirit
in service of healing.

Be hopeful, be kind to all concerned.
Know I trust.
Know I love you.
Know I am most grateful.

And to the cells that are leaving,
a blessing for long service,
both individually and together
speak well for me.

Be hopeful, be kind to all concerned.
Know I trust.
Know I love you.
Know I am most grateful.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2007

From my short collection, New Year’s Eve Surgery, which I gave to my medical team before a bilateral mastectomy and removal of my ovaries in 2007.  It turned out that I carry a BRCA 2 mutation and I’d had three breast cancer tumors by that point. I spent time in research and reflection before making such a deeply personal decision. I wanted my team to know something about me before embarking on this very personal and human experience. I wanted the conversation to be more healing and less clinical. And so I chose some poems and a few winter photos to speak for me. I decorated the chapbook covers with glitter streamer and star stickers. My sister, Marie, had the brilliant idea for them to sign my copy of the chapbook, which made it very interactive. Later, I got to read all their support for me. Amazing!

Three weeks ago I was facing another major surgery, hysterectomy, and thought of this poem. I recited it aloud to myself for several days before: the mind giving the body specific instructions to do well. These were my own affirmations, a very practical piece. I printed a copy of the poem and took it with me, intending to read it again at the hospital. Instead, when the anesthesiologist came to talk with me, she asked an unexpected question: “Was there anything I wanted to have her read to me before surgery? While awake or asleep?” I gave her this poem and she read it to me immediately prior to the surgery, while I was sleeping. Awesome! Very calming of my anxiety. I did not have to arrange anything. I felt in good hands all around and I have healed well.

(New Year’s Eve Surgery is available in the Store as a FREE pdf for a bit longer.)

Restoration of Exuberance

Peony in Sun--Margaret Dubay Mikus, Copyright 2006

Peony in Sun–Margaret Dubay Mikus, Copyright 2006

I have come out of a very dark time. One of those rough patches that comes along now and then. Not every minute, but pervasive and often, requiring lots of extra support to get through the days. Totally justified. In one year I lost five people close to me including my Mom and youngest brother. My youngest sister was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. The year before both of my husband’s parents passed away. Left us with the breath knocked out, in a way. I ended up in the hospital with congestive heart failure two weeks after Mom’s death and a long road back to health. Grieving was a major factor I was sure. And this year around Mother’s Day I woke with my heart in a funny rhythm and again in the hospital before it righted itself. Not as bad as last year, but still…

As it approached the anniversary of my mother’s death, I could feel the extra sadness coming toward me like a damp cold. And I felt in some way, if I could only get past that mark, I would be on the road to feeling better. But the grief was so deep and dark. So much writing (which will be helpful later, but put aside for now).

And then a post on Facebook by Elizabeth Gilbert (most well-known as the author of Eat, Pray, Love and Committed) and who gave an awesome TED talk on creativity. She talked about a sudden revelation. She had been waking in the night in fear of divorce, yet there were no problems in her current marriage. The fear was based on the past. And she realized that the past was past. She had been divorced and it was awful and she recovered and did not have to worry about it now. It was past.

And you know when you read something and it is exactly the right thing, as if someone was looking over your shoulder and watching out for you? Well, it was one of those things, exactly right. And just like that, I realized that my mother was gone, I did not have to wake up worrying if this would be the day. And my brother was gone after years of illness and I did not have to wonder if I would get the call. It was over.

And this is the poem. (You knew it was coming…) Thank you to my amazing support team!

7/12/13

Almost 1 Year Later
(July 14 anniversary)

Thank you Elizabeth Gilbert

Mom is dead,
she cannot die again,
the worst has happened,

in the past.
Not awaken every day
wondering if this is the day.

Release anxiety
like fluff in the air
from ripe dandelions,

like habits acquired
from practice or experience,
embedded in nerve nets

so deep-buried, impossible
to return to naiveté…
until this one day

when one person may say:
it is in the past.
It cannot repeat. Release.

And like that,
one finger snap,
it is.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2013

Elizabeth Gilbert has a new book coming out in 13 days, a novel called The Signature of All Things. Looking forward to it. Thank you Thank you!

Life Lesson

Hotel in the Desert (c) Margaret Dubay Mikus 2009

This poem is a recurring lesson for me. I see so much need all around: family, friends, the world. And I have learned a lot that can be helpful to lessen pain and suffering, to heal. But I have to remember that we are each here to learn our own lessons and no one can know what is best for another. And I have to remember to take care of myself, which is a big enough challenge. And from that self-care will come the energy and insight to be present with others as they also face life struggles. Or to laugh together in times of joy.

4/21/06

My Lesson

If I take on your pain
but do not get with it
the tools to work it through—

the tools you have been given
as this is your lesson—
then all I get is grief

and all you get is numb,
temporarily. Brace for
the next onslaught

perhaps even worse.
But if I leave you
your pain, no matter

how deep and bitter,
and sit with you in the dark,
holding your hand in hope,

perhaps speaking in a soft,
reassuring voice, or sitting
in rich silence,

then you may discover
the tools you were given,
buried deep or resting in your palm

and you may recover
your power to heal,
yes…even from this.

Margaret Dubay Mikus
© 2006

New Mexico Sunset (c) Margaret Dubay Mikus 2009